On His Blindness
by dixin
Summary: When Sasuke considers how he spent his days with Orochimaru, he finds that his days were really spent in death.


Title: On His Blindness

Rating: PG

Characters: Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura

Summary: When Sasuke considers how he spent his days with Orochimaru, he finds that his days were really spent in death.

Warnings: none

When Uchiha Sasuke considers how his days are now spent, he finds that half his days in this world are spent hiding from death to find life again. He used to not consider his days basking in Orochimaru's filthy presence as death although Sakura is more than inclined to believe it was. Naruto doesn't bother with the symbolism and just pulls Sasuke to his face, all snarling and spitting, and plainly calls him a dumbass for selling his soul to such a jerk.

This suits Sasuke just fine since that was more straight-forward and easier to deal with than Sakura's introspective babblings, or it would have if Naruto didn't insist on repeating this day after day, as if his black-haired teammate didn't already _know_. As if he didn't know how he shed his light as it bled from him in the shadows, half of his talent wasted on revenge and the other half being manipulated as his mind became crippled by Orochimaru's promise of power. Sasuke's thirst for blood and death and the empty eyes of _that man_ made his talents useless as his body grew stronger and his soul grew more bent with each passing day, each passing yearSasuke knows he was obsessed with revenge, that his vision was clouded from his devotion to become an avenger and knows he was in the wrong and should've done something else other than walk with the devil.

Hindsight is always 20/20.

Sasuke thinks about his old teammates. They were both so determined, Naruto and Sakura. So determined to find him and so determined to die, it seemed. The chasm between Sasuke and them did little to stop him from seeing their eyes burning bright with longing and anger, such pure and righteous _anger _that it amused him. _Sentimental fools_, he thought, but seeing them again brought back what was denied him in the caves of his mentor's tutelage, whatever that was. (Sasuke suspects it was love, or something like it). If he lived in complete and utter darkness before their arrival, then at that moment he saw a distant star, the far-away memories of his old team and sensei.

He wanted to crush their throats to make that star disappear.

Now, when Sasuke considers how he spent his days with Orochimaru, he finds that his days were really spent in death. Sakura was always so smart.

He doesn't delude himself. He's weak and a traitor. Days spent in Konoha are still dark. Nobody talks to him much less look at him except for Naruto and Sakura. Sasuke believes those two are more than a little stupid to open their arms to him again. Then again, he always thought those two were just stupid, period. But Naruto isn't the complete idiot he remembers him to be, although he still loves ramen like Jiraiya loves women, and becoming hokage doesn't seem like such an impossible dream anymore. Sakura broke Sasuke's nose when she first laid hands on him. Then cracking her bloody knuckles, she pounded the rocks next to him into dust. She no longer calls him Sasuke-kun. He remembers being faintly impressed before he passed out from blood loss.

Because of them, Sasuke doesn't want to die again. He would never tell them that or admit it out loud, but only because he doesn't need to. They sit together at the ramen bar, with Naruto silently fuming at him again about god knows what, but he's pretty sure it's something ridiculous, and Sakura mindlessly chattering about nothing to fill in the quiet as they slurp their noodles. Sasuke knows they aren't like other groups of friends enjoying each other's company. To say they forgave him would be a fairy-tale, but to say they hated him would be a lie. The three of them understood each other like no one else could even though there was so much to say between them, except nothing was yet said.

For now, Naruto's wry grins and Sakura's bright smiles are enough as the two of them wave and walk off to leave, eyes twinkling with the promise of better days. He sees their arms brush closely together and the complete ease of being in each other's company, and Sasuke can't help but feel a twinge of not-quite jealousy but something closer to the lines of longing.

And so, Sasuke waits.

He doesn't wait for things to go back to the way they were—such expectations were for the foolish, and Sasuke was done playing for a fool. He stares into his nearly empty bowl of ramen absent-mindedly fiddling with his chopsticks around the noodles, lets out a breath, and sits silently in reflection.


End file.
